Seasons…

The way I see it, there are many seasons in parenting.  There’s the newness and freshness when you first dive into the adventure.  Then there’s the frustration of nursing, sleepless nights and endless diaper changes.  Then you hit the fun phase when they start tottling around, talking and exploring the world around them.  Next you hit the terrible two’s/three’s with tantrums and time outs galore.  And before you know it they’re in school, learning to read, doing homework and thinking they know “all the things!”

Right now, I am in the midst of three of these seasons: newborn, toddler and school age.  And I feel like I’m sinking.

I can’t keep up with it all.  The housework, the pile of laundry, the meal planning, the reading chart, the baths, the book fairs, the pumping milk for baby, the meltdowns, the appointments, the fear of the unknown.  So many things come my way each day and I feel like I’m not doing a good job keeping up with it all.

Our oldest is very sensitive and full of fear.  Many times his fears seem silly to us as parents and we have a hard time knowing how to guide him through it.  It seems like the times we don’t prepare him he flips out.  And the times that we do prepare him he flips out.  There’s rarely a time that I can think of lately that he is okay with change or the unknown.  He has cried many tears lately.  And I’m going to be very transparent with you–I find myself welling up with tears too.  The fear is starting to set in with me and I know it’s just a ploy of the enemy but I can’t get passed it right now.  That boy has my whole heart.  They all do.  They were given to us to guide and raise and I feel like I’m not fully equipped at the moment.  And it’s really tearing me apart today.

It’s so silly but I have to take him to a dentist and eye appointment in the next month and my heart just can’t handle the tears and fears I am expecting him to have.  It often makes me wonder where we went wrong.  What did we do?  Or not do?

Seasoned parents–when will this be over?  And how can I help calm his fears?  I know the years are going to get tougher as we go but, right now, this is my lowest low.  Even with all my educational background nothing there prepares you to be a parent and have your heart fully immersed in three little ones who depend on you to guide and direct them.  This is harder than I ever thought it would be.   I know it will get better.  I believe it with all my heart.  But, how can I help him in the meantime?  I am desperate to help him.  I know that will help my momma heart too.

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