Beautiful Mom

Tonight brought about a beautiful moment for me in parenting.  Then it spawned a beautiful moment for me in my co-parenting and marriage. 

School started last week and Mr. Man is SO not good with transitions.  He’s the big boy in class this year and he had melt down after melt down on Monday when I was working in the class.  He was having a hard time sharing, using his words, following directions, etc.  We’ve had a few talks about it since and he’s apologized to both of his teachers about his behavior but tonight I caught a glimpse of that sneaking back in for school tomorrow.

After coming home from the grocery store, I found him in his room watching a movie before bed.  I walked in to remind him that he needed to find something that started with the letter A because it was A week at school.  We found an Alvin stuffed animal from Alvin and the Chipmunks and I told him it would be pretty sweet to take in the movie to go along with it just in case someone didn’t know who he was.  Then he said, “And I need to find another thing for show and tell.”  I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t his turn for show and tell because I wasn’t the helper in his class tomorrow.

And that’s when he LOST IT!

There was a lot of sobbing, hyperventilating, and a runny nose at this point.  He just kept saying, “But I thought you were going to stay with me!!!!!!!!!!!!”  Daddy had walked in during this time too to see what was happening and how he could help.  He sat on the floor while I sat on sister’s bed and snuggled my boy in close.  I rubbed his hair and explained that I was just in his classroom yesterday and tomorrow was a new day for another mommy to stay.  I told him one of his new friends was going to be the Child of the Day and she was going to bring a Show and Tell.  I even offered the idea of him guiding her since it would be her first turn (you know, “So and so….Ms. Michele is going to tell you to switch the Stop signs to Go and then you’ll go to it and flip it over.”)  He just wasn’t having any of it. 

Sometimes he gets to the point where he is crying so much he {claims} he forgets to breath.  He usually asks, “How do you breathe?  I don’t remember how!”  I found myself speaking very soft and quietly tonight to him, holding him in my arms like he was a little swaddled baby again, rubbing his head and trying to explain in detail what he could expect.  During this time I could see out of the corner of my eye my husband just watching me, smiling and with a twinkle in his eye. 

The only thing that helped me calm Mr. Man down was reminding him that Ms. Jen was going to be there tomorrow as well and he could talk to her about the iPad games he played at her house last night.  He woke me up this morning saying, “You need to call Ms. Jen and ask her when her girls will be home from school so I can go over there again.  And when is Mr. Joe going to be home so we can play iPad games together?  I think I’m really good at some of them.”

After he was settled and in bed finally, Zac met me in the hallway and made me stop my busyness to tell me that he thought I was so beautiful.  I just kind of shrugged it off and half-heartedly said thanks.  He said that he thought I was physically beautiful but also that he was watching me in that moment earlier and was struck with my beauty as a mom and how I handled the situation.  I told him that I’m not always good at this parenting thing and needed work but he said that he isn’t either BUT every time he watches me work like that it makes him strive to be a better dad.

It’s moments like tonight that {could} drive me insane where God makes me take a step back, observe all around me, and help me learn to love and appreciate myself and my talents.  I don’t think I’m a “talented” mom, per say, but I’m happy to know that God has gifted me the ability to have discernment, creativity, sensitivity and compassion during some moments of parenting.  It’s not always easy, in fact, most days are very hard right now.  But I’m so glad to have an awesome partner to walk along side me with, a loving Papa who speaks to me in my spirit or through people and two awesome and totally flawed kids to help me learn lessons through.  Thank you, Papa!

 

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